Those of course were little examples, the kind that all children seem to face growing up. There were more consequential examples of unfairness as my children matured. Such was the case of one of my children who was denied admission to a particular college to make room for a less qualified but racially-favored applicant. That was unfair to my child, and it was unfair for me, who gets to subsidize with my taxes the government-run college that operates admissions along racist lines.
My explanation to my children for these unfairness episodes usually contained elements of the following. My first point might be, who said life has to be fair? Then I might follow that up with the observation that mortality is all about unfairness. The real issue is how we react to the unfairness, what we do to overcome it.
If given enough opportunity, I could explain that things may appear unfair if we think that the score is final while in fact the game is still going on. Mortality is a small and temporary part of life, and many things that look like advantages here become serious liabilities later. Even in mortality we often see that demonstrated, such as the person who struggling against great opposition as a child develops skills and abilities that lead to far greater success than the person who seems to have an easy childhood. Identifying who had unfair advantage might then become more difficult.
In a discussion with my wife the other day, she pointed out how unfairness lies at the core of sacrifice. That is to say, that a sacrifice is the willing acceptance of unfairness. It is unfair that a mother has to go through so much pain at childbirth, but she sacrifices, she accepts that unfairness, in order to bring a child into the world. It is unfair that a father works at his job to earn an income that he shares with all of the members of his family, but he accepts that unfairness as a sacrifice that he makes for the benefit of his family.
Why does the mother do it? Why does the father do it? If they willingly accept that unfairness, they are making a sacrifice. I have often thought and said that it is hard to love someone for whom you have not sacrificed. I believe that is so, because very often the driving force in that sacrifice is love. We act out our love and make it real as we sacrifice for someone. Loving parents willingly and often sacrifice for their children—most of which sacrifices the parents may not even notice—because of their love for their children, begun by their love for each other. That, by the way, is one of the essential reasons for being organized as families and why no social institution has ever been found that develops love in people more than the family does. That, however, is a topic to fill many discussions on other days.
I think that each of these answers to my children is a good answer, and they are all related. Perhaps the best answer to the unfairness question is that no one in this life escapes unfairness. In fact, the greatest of all, Jesus Christ, suffered the greatest unfairness. He paid the price for all the sins of all who would accept Him, having committed no sin and having caused no offense against anyone. He willingly accepted that unfairness, He volunteered for and carried out that sacrifice, because of His love for us.
With the Savior’s sacrifice, with His acceptance of unfairness, all of the apparent unfairness to all of us is made right. In the end, by accepting the Savior and the power of His sacrifice, all of the unfairness that we might seem to experience is overcome. As the Prophet Joseph Smith proclaimed in April 1843,
All your losses will be made up to you in the resurrection, provided you continue faithful. By the vision of the Almighty I have seen it. (Joseph Smith, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p.296)
Given that perspective, perhaps the only real and lasting unfairness is the unfairness we may do to ourselves. We cheat ourselves by not accepting the Savior’s sacrifice so freely extended to all of us, by which every unfairness can be overcome.
2 comments:
This is a beautiful post, Dad. The greatest lessons of sacrifice I have learned in this life have come from the Savior's example, and my family's, particularly you and Mom. I'm reminded of a time when Peter was very little, no more than three. I really wanted a new box of 96 crayons. I already had a perfectly decent box of 64, so Mom said "no." That Saturday morning as I walked into the kitchen I noticed Peter hunched over the table with his large tupperware of old, hand-me-down crayons, and he was counting. He had woken up before anyone else, and from his own collection, was counting out crayons for me, still in his pajamas. A few minutes later he triumphantly presented a large plastic bag containing 96 of his own crayons. To this day, that has been the sweetest gift Peter has ever given me. I still have those crayons mostly because of what they symbolize to me. It may seem like such a small example of a little boy's love and sacrifice for his sister, but I've never forgotten it, even 13 years later.
Great post. We should always see ourselves as the advantaged side of things being unfair. All the mercy and blessings poured out to us for following the Savior, we don't deserve. Then the more we work to be better people, the more God tips the scale in our favor. We can never pay him back or make things even, and that's how He wants it to be, because he loves us. It's not that God wishes us to always be in his debt. He wants us to always be happy, and the only way that is possible is through a great sacrifice, from the only person able and willing to make it, our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Cute story from Kate. I'd never heard that one before. I believe it though.
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