Of Marriage and Happiness

Last week I completed teaching another “Strengthening Marriages” course at church.  The principles I taught were my own.  By that I do not mean that I thought them up.  They are mine because I embrace them.  The course was designed under the direction of living Apostles and prophets.  The concepts are divinely inspired. Their purpose is not to “fix” troubled marriages but rather to help husband and wife in any marriage increase the joy of this most important of all human relationships.

Here is a summary of some of the key principles taught.

The first and foundational principle is that the family is not only the most important institution in the Church but is in fact the most important institution in all time and all eternity.  The marriage relationship is our most important relationship and can be the source of our greatest joy, beginning now and lasting forever.  The key to that joy is building our marriages and our homes on the rock of our Redeemer, Jesus Christ.  So built, we can withstand all that this life of trial throws at us, allowing us to begin living in heaven already while here in mortality.

Another central principle of happiness is unity in marriage.  Husband and wife are intended to be one.  Man and woman were created to be united and become a greater one.  No man or woman is complete or whole without wife or husband.  To enjoy the most of that unity husband and wife should allow their differences in gifts to complement one another.  God intended man and woman to be much alike but also significantly different in physical, mental, and even spiritual gifts.  Embrace that, do not fight it.  Unity in marriage also requires complete loyalty to each other, placing commitment to each other above any relationship with anyone else on earth.  This unlocks an unending wealth of happiness in marriage.

Important in the day-to-day life of marriage is nurturing love and friendship with each other.  Frequent expressions of love and kindness—in ways large and small— play no small part in that nurturing.  The proper expression of intimacy in marriage is a gift that God has extended to His children that, kept in proper channels, unlocks enormous eternal power.  Complete faithfulness to each other strengthens that intimacy and enfolds it in an ever increasing love.

Both husband and wife should expect and acknowledge that there will be challenges.  The purpose of mortal life is to be immersed in a world of challenges and grow from those challenges, our reactions to them shaping us into who we choose to be for the eternities.  In marriage we find help to face those challenges, a help meet that we can find in no other way or relationship.  Husbands and wives, with the aid and inspiration of the Lord, can work through any challenge.  This is part of the marriage covenant.  Marriage, to be what the Lord intended, to manifest all of its power for joy, must be a covenant, not a contract, a covenant through which we give all to each other without consideration of an “exchange.”  The concept of “prenuptial” agreements, of counting the contributions of each in marriage, are foreign to the eternal union of souls that marriage can be as intended by God.

An important principle of happiness that needs to be applied whenever a challenge arises within the marriage itself, be the challenge large or small, is that we can choose to react in patience and love rather than in frustration and anger.  That may take practice, but it is a rewarding practice.  As children of God, we can increase our power and freedom to make that choice each time that we choose well.  Strong lines of communication between spouses will enable us to respond to challenges most effectively.  When looking at each other, seeing the admirable qualities rather than the temporary weaknesses facilitates that communication and builds the confidence that underlies it.

A successful eternal marriage involves the Lord as a constant Partner, Help, and Guarantor of the covenant.  He wants us to succeed.  We draw upon His help and strength through faith and prayer.  Modern prophets for a hundred years or more have counseled that great power comes to husband and wife and then to their family from such inspired practices as regular, daily family prayer and scripture study and weekly family home evening.  From long experience I can tell you that this is true.

We know that we each will come up short from time to time.  The atonement of Christ gives us the best tool for dealing with our shortcomings and not letting them harm our marriage:  forgiveness.  We discussed how we need to seek forgiveness from each other and be ever ready to extend forgiveness.  The result is peace, trust, and security.

Do not neglect to follow, jointly, principles of sound family finances.  Managing family finances together can be a powerful way of uniting marriage in real life.  As we manage the material elements of our life we build eternal spiritual ties with each other.  In a material way we see our complete union growing closer.  A few of the key principles of successful financial management include paying an honest tithe (as a constant reminder of the spiritual nature of all things material), spending less than we earn, and the freedom that comes from living within a budget.

These are just highlights of the marvelous truths that God has revealed to us through His prophets to make our marriages what He intends them to be, the greatest source of happiness and joy in this life and happiness and fulfillment beyond anything that we can imagine in the eternal worlds.

As you consider them, think on the words of the modern prophet Brigham Young about the marriage relationship:

But the whole subject of the marriage relation is not in my reach, nor in any other man’s reach on this earth.  It is without beginning of days or end of years; it is a hard matter to reach.  We can tell some things with regard to it; it lays the foundation for worlds, for angels, and for the Gods; for intelligent beings to be crowned with glory, immortality, and eternal lives. In fact, it is the thread which runs from the beginning to the end of the holy Gospel of salvation—of the Gospel of the Son of God; it is from eternity to eternity.  (Brigham Young, October 6, 1854, Journal of Discourses, 2:90)